Such a Flake… November 2, 2009

It’s been over a week since I have last posted. Since then, I think I have been in a downward spiral. All the stress and worry and anxiety of life has caught up to me in a major way again. I’m managing the best I can. I spent the week not going anywhere (saving money in gas and entertainment though) watching House and knitting. I did finish a couple of Christmas presents in the last week and started a couple more. That’s pretty much all I am pleased with currently. Oh and I went to the grocery store yesterday morning.

I know part of this downturn is PMS which is pretty bad but I am anxious about a family (minus my mom) trip that we are taking this coming up weekend. I don’t know why I cannot handle overnight trips. I get extremely anxious and can’t handle things. All I can focus on is when I can get home. We will see. Hopefully I can conquer this but I don’t know. It will be with my family who I absolutely adore and have so much fun with. They help me even out and hopefully I can get turned back around on life again this week. Plus I will have an obscene amount of knitting with me to do, when I can’t go on the super crazy rollercoasters. Another thing is I finally received a response back about an issue that has been weighing on me all year. I have to deal with that this week too. It is not good for me to hide in my messy apartment and watch tv on dvd. I need to meet things head on and move forward.

Today will be busy at work since it is month end time and I have a slew of podcasts to listen to. On days like this, I feel less alone when I listen to podcasts because it’s like someone is talking to me constantly and keeping my thoughts away from anxiety. Also today is the start of the local NPR fundraising drive so I get no local for a couple of weeks. I’m glad I still have the Sirius radio.

I am going to set very simple and easy goals and hopefully when I go to bed tonight I can feel good about something.

-Listen to all the podcasts

-Stay focused on tasks today at work and get as much done as possible

-Go to see my parents and watch Top Chef and hang out and chat. Maybe talk about the house plans

-Take out some of the trash that is built up from packing and stuff.

I think those can be accomplished. I thought I was over these meltdowns but apparently not. I feel disappointed in myself. Hopefully next Monday will be a ton better.

No picture yesterday. October 23, 2009

I didn’t blog or take a picture for yesterday. There are a couple stresses that are becoming a little to overwhelming. Yesterday, I just came home, watched House and knitted on a Christmas present and went to bed really early. I feel a bit better today but I remembered that today is actually Friday not Saturday and I must go to work.

The Traveling Woman shawl I am working on as a Christmas present out of the Malabrigo is coming along nicely. I just have the second chart to do and bind off. Here’s hoping to finishing that this weekend and getting another gift started. I know for sure I absolutely cannot afford not to finish all the handmade gifts. There isn’t enough money for be to not finish and buy store bought gifts. I hope my family understands. I’m sure they will, they are very supportive of my knitting.

The money situation is really stressing me out. I have done quite a bit cutting back but still more needs to happen before January. I worry that maybe buying a house wasn’t the best idea. The idea just started one day by my sister coming in my office and telling me it would be a good idea. We chatted about it for a few minutes and I talked to my mom and before I knew it I was looking at houses. Ultimately, I know this stress will pass but now, it feels a bit suffocating. All I want to do is make sure I finish my Christmas gifts and not go anywhere. Going anywhere most of the time includes spending money and it is stressful. Even getting a tank of gas is becoming hard. After I move in January, I am going to look into getting a part time job at somewhere fun. Hopefully the record store will be hiring and will like me enough.

Have to head to work to stress some more.

Current Listening: Jemina Pearl “Break It Up”

What I know October 15, 2009

These two songs have become two of my favorite songs ever.

Turn Into

Warrior

I adore the crap out of Karen O. Ever since the first time I saw her perform in 2002, I have wanted to have the power in myself that she holds. Anyway, these songs right now are gonna get me through the day. She smiles, she dances and she has the power within herself. I am going to have that too.

And here’s another Warrior video from the early 80s. I remember this seeing this video as a child and loved it. I’m a sucker I suppose for women calling themselves warriors. I think we should all be in order to go through life with our visions intact.

Socks aren’t just for times of mental illness… August 5, 2009

I decided to join in on the Sock alongs on Ravelry (Cookie A and Sock Knitters Anonymous). This month I have casted on for both of the Cookie A socks in the along and both I think may need to be frogged. I think I may knit tighter top down on magic loop. I’m not sure. The last 5 pairs of socks that I have knit have been straight no patterned socks and they are pretty boring but good for times when I am not totally with it. I have a routine down, a sock needle size, stitch count and then I go at it. I knit with my usual 2s and they are a bit tight. It’s a bit more upsetting because of the pattern taking much longer than normal socks. So they are now in time out.

I think I am going to cast on for Christmas presents tomorrow and get started on my partial list. December is going to come quickly and I have a blanket, several hats, several scarves and a halter top on 5s to knit. I hope to document this process a lot better this year since I am really going to make the attempt to knit most of my gifts.

Current Listening Michael and Michael Have Issues.

My New Toy and such July 25, 2009

I got a netbook the other day and it’s good and bad. Now I can watch stuff from the internet and be on the internet from bed or wherever from my house instead of sitting in a horrible uncomfortable chair. That’s good. The bad thing is that I never want to leave my bed or house now. I can listen to all sorts of stuff, stream old episodes of This American Life, listen to NPR, stream records, mp3s, watch tv episodes I missed, see movies. I think though that the initial obsessiveness will wear off and I will use it like a normal person soon enough.

With my knitting I am continuing to be productive. I made two baby earflap hats using Dani’s pattern and worsted wool. (I would post a pic but I am using previously mentioned netbook from bed and do not have the pic on this computer). You can see it on my Ravelry page though. I made them to donate to charity and will probably make more for charity and to set aside for my siblings’ future offspring.

Continuing on my destashing kick, I decided yesterday morning to embrace my inner goth and make black elbow length cabled fingerless gloves out of an alpaca wool blend yarn. When I pulled out my project at the yarn store yesterday, Dani thought I was kidding on the twitter. I was not. I am about ready to split off for the thumb on the first glove so I am making good time on them and will totally post pictures when done.

All is good for now. I will be in bed knitting and listening to NPR live concerts all morning until it’s time to force myself into the shower and to the yarn store to hang out.

Current Listening: NPR Live Concerts The White Stripes

Sept 2008 Repost: Pavement Says Nothing to Me about Me and My Life July 19, 2009

My theory on what makes a good record is this: my favorite song on the record constantly changes and if each song on the record has been my favorite, it is an excellent record and I never ever want to live without it. I feel it’s pretty simple. My top 5 records of all time (which aren’t really 5-there is a top 4 and the 5th one rotates because I can’t commit) are records I would die without.

So today I started my project of listening to all 1001 albums from “1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die.” With each record, I want to try to figure what makes each of these records an “essential” record that a person must hear before they die. I am really excited about this because there are so many records out there that I haven’t heard and have always wanted to. I want to learn more about other genres of music, think about some of my favorite records in a different way and hopefully discover a lot of stuff out there that I never even dreamed to be apart of my music collection.

Flipping though the book before, I noticed some records that I don’t care to revisit or even hear in their entirety. I thought about skipping those records but I won’t learn from them and I would be cheating and that would kill me. So, I want to try to listen to each one more than once, even the dreaded ones. I can’t decide whether to post all my thoughts and such about it on this blog or start a separate one. For now, here’s what I listened to today:

Bjork “Medulla”: I bought this record the second day it came out as it wasn’t in any of the 5 stores I went to the day it did come out. I plan to revisit the documentary about the making of Medulla and the videos this week. After 10+ years of trying to push Bjork onto other people, I have finally come to understand that she is a very abrasive artist, even at her quietest. I admire her to no end for her strength and vision and when she sings, I feel it in my gut. It is very comforting to know that I get to revisit two more of her records before this project is over (Vespertine and Debut) although my favorite record of hers and of all time, Homogenic, didn’t make the list.

Anyway, this was the record that was done with only voices (except a gong somewhere). My favorite track (it changes but it usually comes back to this one) is “Show Me Forgiveness.” It gives me goosebumps every time I hear it and sometimes brings tears if I am in a mood. She is singing alone about losing her faith in herself and forgiving herself for it. It is powerful and it is something I have experienced time and time again. One of the major reasons why she is one of my favorite artists is that she has a strong woman’s perspective in her music. I feel like she is singing for, to, and about me and other women. I don’t feel that too often when I listen to music, especially indie rock. I feel it’s not for me, as a girl/woman. I feel like I have snuck my way in. i am posting her performance of “Pleasure is All Mine” from Coachella 2007. It’s another song that gives me goosebumps and the chills when I hear it, especially the line “women like us strengthen most.”

Depeche Mode “Music for the Masses”: I hadn’t listened to this record in years and only listened to it twice today and kept on getting interrupted during. I did notice the recurring theme in some of their songs about “little girl(s)” in “Little 15″ “Behind the Wheel” and “Enjoy the Silence” (from Violator). When I figured that out this morning, I was immediately fascinated. I cannot wait to look into this more but not tonight as I am exhausted. I am going to listen to this record a couple more times tomorrow. I do know that my favorite song on this record is and will always be “Behind the Wheel.” I have no rhyme or reason behind it but it’s perfection.

I need to load some records I haven’t heard onto the ipod and get myself down to the library and check out some cds. This is good project.

Goodnight.

I think I see her smiling… April 5, 2009

I have been a bit down lately and one of my favorite things to do is look up PJ Harvey on youtube and watch live videos. I have never seen her live but am dying to. I won’t babble about how much her music means to me, I will leave that for another time. Below is some of my favorite songs live…

Just saying February 27, 2009

I love the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs song and absolutely cannot wait to see them at Coachella and to get the new record (I may have to sell a kidney to get it but I will have it).

That is all.

Current Listening: Sirius/XM U

It’s getting close. I can feel it. February 11, 2009

It’s that time of year where spring is ready to roll up on Las Vegas for a few weeks before it starts to get warmer and warmer and then HOT. Every year around this time, I get a little happy on the inside and then I remember one of the most perfect records to listen to this time of year. Actually it’s one of the most perfect records ever in my opinion. A little over five years ago, I heard the song “Action” by Clem Snide on satellite radio and immediately was smitten. I downloaded the record “Soft Spot” from emusic and fell in love both with a guy and the record. I don’t love the guy anymore but my love for this record lives on. It’s an amazing record about love and it’s extremely intimate and beautiful. I thought I had the love that is expressed on that record but now looking back, I don’t think it’s possible. But it’s nice to think about. I have listened to Soft Spot now 6 times within the past couple days. It inspires hope for the future and myself, helps me recognize the beauty in life and people, and reminds me about love and how it’s not so bad and it’s everywhere (lame I know).

Before I start getting to sappy and sentimental, I need to do some laundry and try to finish off “Hellions” by Maria Raha.

Good Night.

Current Listening: The Replacements “Left of the Dial”

Popping off at the Mouth… January 27, 2009

Me and my dear friend Dani (better half of mouthy) starting a joint blog where we discuss feminism and mouth off about things that make us twitchy and angry. Check it out if you are into that.

Current Listening: Sonic Youth-Dirty
Current Project: Striped Noro Socks and Mouthy Mitts
Current Reading: Sylvia Plath