A Little Bit of Knowledge… July 9, 2009

It’s no secret that I am a total nerd for This American Life. Ira Glass is the bee’s knees and so on. I haven’t been able to get enough of the show so I have been downloading episodes from itunes to listen to at work (I would stream them from the site but I don’t have speakers on my computer). Yesterday I heard the episode titled “A Little Bit of Knowledge,” one of the acts talks about beliefs that are completely not true or normal that are held into adulthood. Since it was just the 4th of July, it reminds me of the thing I thought everyone else did until I was 19.

As a child, I really thought my family was the most normal family, not that my family is a band of gypsies or anything but I really thought everyone’s family was just like mine. I thought everyone’s dad worked on motorcycles, rode motorcycles, had a garage so orderly like a workshop with posters and such, listened to hard rock, had tattoos on their forearms. I figured out mid elementary school that it was not the case. I went to school before year round school became more prevalent so I never talked to kids in school about the 4th of July.

I never realized until having a conversation at work with my friend Tara, that people do not normally light sprinklers and fireworks with a blowtorch. I really thought everyone did that and that was completely normal. So I was talking nonchalantly about dad getting out the blowtorch and how my sister, Diana, wouldn’t go near sparklers since she was burned a little bit when she was like 6 (totally thinking the being afraid of sparklers was odd.) I will never forget the look on my friend’s face.

She said “blowtorch?”
I was like “yeah don’t you use a blowtorch? what?”
and she was like “NO.”
I was like “really? Not even to light sparklers?”
“NO Christina.”
“oh.”

When I got off of work, I drove straight home and told my parents that OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT USE A BLOWTORCH ON THE 4TH OF JULY NOT EVEN FOR SPARKLERS. IT IS DANGEROUS. Dad thought it was pretty funny. To be fair to my dad, us kids didn’t use the blowtorch, he just did. When the kids lit off the fireworks, we would use the lighter that people use to light candles. But still. Insane. It made me think about whatever else odd thing that my parents thought it was an okay thing to do.

My dad also told us that the “punks” (I’m not sure if they are even called that-who knows how much lying was done), the sticks that looked like sparklers but didn’t sparkle they just kept the light to light fireworks, was made of “camel shit.” Looking back on that now too, I suppose they are not. I could do research but I think I will make an educated guess that I am correct in my new assessment.

Current Listening-The Dead Weather “Horehound”

Spinning Machine, I will be. July 6, 2009

With the change in my medication, I have been having a hard time focusing on anything for longer than 15 minutes. Needless to say, I am pretty frustrated. I tried to gauge swatch for a couple of things, tried watching Daily Show online, tried watch a movie, tried reading (and actually did finish a book and half way through two other books but mostly though I spent a bulk of my 3 day weekend just bouncing from room to room in my apartment frustrated.

Saturday was the beginning of the Tour de France meaning it was the start of the awesome Tour de Fleece. Spinners (and non spinners like me trying to be a spinner) spin everyday during the Tour to eat up stash, set personal goals and such. It’s pretty fun. My dear friend Daniella Marie bought me a spindle a month back and taught me how to spin. I have been slowly learning but still focusing on my knitting. During my vacation, I completed two pairs of socks and afterwords, picked back up my massive Girasole blanket (pattern by Jared Flood). I was trucking along, having tinked back 640 painful stitches while watching the Michael Jackson coverage, and finished a couple of the charts, only two have my two cables (separately) break on me.

I finally got back to the spinning on Saturday while at Dani’s house. We listened to a couple of records and recorded a podcast for Indie As, our music blog, about the two records we listened to and it slowly descended into our regular argument about Karen O and being “bigger than the sound.” I spun a little bit but not much since I was frustrated with my spinning not progressing fast enough. Dani spun a ton of stuff and will be adding to her shop what she spins and drum cards. Anyway, all the babbling leads to this…IT CLICKED this morning. I did a ton better today, not perfect but way better. I feel pretty good about it and cannot wait for the almost pound of roving I ordered last week to get here. Spinning machine, I will be!

Current Listening: MSNBC

Summing it up. June 28, 2009

My efforts to gracefully stumble towards 30 started over a year ago. I have been dealing with chronic depression and anxiety since I was 13 and before last April, I had been on and off medication for a few years. I had convinced myself that being on medication would change who I was and even though I may not be the happiest with myself, there are things I do like. I love my uncool hobbies that I love more than most things and people in life with an intensity reserved only for that. I like that I have a strong personality (when I am not in the midst of a major downturn).

All that changed though last April with a major depression I had never felt before. It felt that my insides were shaking and I couldn’t think or feel anything but that. It was scary and horrible and didn’t stop for weeks. I had no idea what was going to happen to me but I immediately went to the doctor and started back on medication. The sucky thing about anti depressants is that it takes 4-6 weeks to build up in your system. I disappeared from life other than work and my parents’ house. Friends didn’t hear or see me for weeks. Eventually, the shaking stopped but the medication at the time wasn’t right for me. Since then, I have tried out 4 other medications and have various meltdowns. I am hoping this new one works and I just came home after being at my mom’s house for a month to deal with it. When I am in a downturn, it’s hard to live alone and I am extremely lucky to have a supportive family and a few understanding close friends, who just wants me to get better and live my life.

My goals to help keep the downturns away are:
-to attempt daily blogging either here or the two other blogs I share with my dearest friend Daniella Marie
-read more (Right now I am reading shorter and less intense books to get me back on the path but have some feminist reading and music criticism and bios to read)
-join a local activist group and get out in the community
-go back to school. I am stuck in a rut with my job (more on the joys of my workplace later)
-attempt an organized life (I feel it will organize my head if I am more organized)

Anyway, no more soul baring. Time to look at getting a new record player with way better sound.

Current Listening: Sonic Youth- Live at Battery Park LP 7/4/08

New Page/Leaf/Start Over June 25, 2009

Okay. I haven’t been posting and have had a hard time coming up with things to say. Now that I have two joint blogs with Daniella Marie Indie As F*** (music blog) and Mouthy Maries (feminist rant blog) I can just focus on my knitting projects and overall “gracefully stumbling towards 30″ here.

I saw Wilco last Friday night at the new Joint here in Las Vegas and it was amazing. It really made me quite happy and inspired to try to live life again. It is really cool what a good rock show can do for me. All I can say is that if Jeff Tweedy says clap, you best clap.

That’s all for now. More tomorrow for sure.

Current Listening: Wilco “I am Trying to Break Your Heart”

New Blog June 4, 2009

Me and Daniella Marie have started a new music snob blog.

Indie as Fu*k

We write about what we love, hate, annoyed with and mildly like. Check it out or not.

I think I see her smiling… April 5, 2009

I have been a bit down lately and one of my favorite things to do is look up PJ Harvey on youtube and watch live videos. I have never seen her live but am dying to. I won’t babble about how much her music means to me, I will leave that for another time. Below is some of my favorite songs live…

Just saying February 27, 2009

I love the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs song and absolutely cannot wait to see them at Coachella and to get the new record (I may have to sell a kidney to get it but I will have it).

That is all.

Current Listening: Sirius/XM U

Knitting for good, Not evil. February 24, 2009

Post title says it all. The Mouthy Maries (me and Daniella Marie) have decided that we need to take some time and work from our stash and knit for charity. Since Friday, I have so far made 6 baby hats and the beginnings of a baby blanket (I had a solid 16 hours at the yarn store on Friday and Saturday hanging out with Dani) that we are going to donate to our local foster care center and women’s shelters.  I plan to make a redonk amount of hats (not just baby), scarves and blankets.

The project will do the following things for me: a) keep me off the street and spending money I do not have, b)bust my stash, c) keep me entertained with quickie projects and other long term projects, d) gives me a real excuse to knit constantly instead of doing housework, laundry and other boring stuff and the biggest plus is that it helps out a few organizations that are close to my heart and don’t get nearly enough donations and funding.

Baby Hats Pattern I found via Ravelry: Preemie Hats for Charity

Baby Blanket Pattern (knit in the round=awesome) I found via Ravelry: Round or Pinwheel Baby Blanket

Destashed so far for this project:
2 skeins of Bernat Soy Natural Blends (5 baby hats)
.40 skein of Vanna’s Choice Baby (1 baby hat)
and much much more yarn to go!

If I was an internets wizard, I would get some sort of progress bar for my blog. (hmmm something to look into)

Current Listening: The Long Blondes-Someone to Drive You Home

In my own sick way… February 17, 2009

My favorite song in the world is “There is a Light that Never Goes Out” by The Smiths. There is no doubt about it and if I never heard another song ever, I would be happy. It is the song I stole my alias from and it is the song I cry to when I see Morrissey perform it live. The first time I saw him sing it live was the week my grandfather died. It was such a long, hard week and I had tickets to see Morrissey two nights in a row. When he sang that song as an encore, I couldn’t move except to wipe the tears from my eyes.

It is a happy song for me and always can turn a day around even just for those 4ish minutes. It is a dark song about dying next to someone in a car accident and being ecstatic about it.  Morrissey’s vocals get me every time. The best part is when he sings “to die by your side” with such joy and energy. It punches me in the heart and makes my wrists hurt.  The song is perfection and I don’t care if this entry makes any sense. I just had to babble and it’s still Morrissey day.

Are we ready to rant and rave? February 17, 2009

Morrissey day is upon us again. The new record “Years of Refusal” is out and I will be picking it up on my lunch break. For some reason, I haven’t been too excited about it. Maybe because there is no tour coming to Vegas in the immediate future? I am getting older and have bigger priorities than my Morrissey fandom? Maybe it’s such a one sided relationship that I just have finally put distance? Did the last batch of fans I encountered kill it for me?

I will be thinking about that while I listen to the record today and probably blog all about it tonight.

Anyway, Happy Morrissey Day. Listen to some good music (not necessarily Morrissey or the Smiths) but something that puts a smile on your face and your heart burst with happiness. I believe that’s what music is about: to make you feel something.