Such a Flake… November 2, 2009

It’s been over a week since I have last posted. Since then, I think I have been in a downward spiral. All the stress and worry and anxiety of life has caught up to me in a major way again. I’m managing the best I can. I spent the week not going anywhere (saving money in gas and entertainment though) watching House and knitting. I did finish a couple of Christmas presents in the last week and started a couple more. That’s pretty much all I am pleased with currently. Oh and I went to the grocery store yesterday morning.

I know part of this downturn is PMS which is pretty bad but I am anxious about a family (minus my mom) trip that we are taking this coming up weekend. I don’t know why I cannot handle overnight trips. I get extremely anxious and can’t handle things. All I can focus on is when I can get home. We will see. Hopefully I can conquer this but I don’t know. It will be with my family who I absolutely adore and have so much fun with. They help me even out and hopefully I can get turned back around on life again this week. Plus I will have an obscene amount of knitting with me to do, when I can’t go on the super crazy rollercoasters. Another thing is I finally received a response back about an issue that has been weighing on me all year. I have to deal with that this week too. It is not good for me to hide in my messy apartment and watch tv on dvd. I need to meet things head on and move forward.

Today will be busy at work since it is month end time and I have a slew of podcasts to listen to. On days like this, I feel less alone when I listen to podcasts because it’s like someone is talking to me constantly and keeping my thoughts away from anxiety. Also today is the start of the local NPR fundraising drive so I get no local for a couple of weeks. I’m glad I still have the Sirius radio.

I am going to set very simple and easy goals and hopefully when I go to bed tonight I can feel good about something.

-Listen to all the podcasts

-Stay focused on tasks today at work and get as much done as possible

-Go to see my parents and watch Top Chef and hang out and chat. Maybe talk about the house plans

-Take out some of the trash that is built up from packing and stuff.

I think those can be accomplished. I thought I was over these meltdowns but apparently not. I feel disappointed in myself. Hopefully next Monday will be a ton better.

No picture yesterday. October 23, 2009

I didn’t blog or take a picture for yesterday. There are a couple stresses that are becoming a little to overwhelming. Yesterday, I just came home, watched House and knitted on a Christmas present and went to bed really early. I feel a bit better today but I remembered that today is actually Friday not Saturday and I must go to work.

The Traveling Woman shawl I am working on as a Christmas present out of the Malabrigo is coming along nicely. I just have the second chart to do and bind off. Here’s hoping to finishing that this weekend and getting another gift started. I know for sure I absolutely cannot afford not to finish all the handmade gifts. There isn’t enough money for be to not finish and buy store bought gifts. I hope my family understands. I’m sure they will, they are very supportive of my knitting.

The money situation is really stressing me out. I have done quite a bit cutting back but still more needs to happen before January. I worry that maybe buying a house wasn’t the best idea. The idea just started one day by my sister coming in my office and telling me it would be a good idea. We chatted about it for a few minutes and I talked to my mom and before I knew it I was looking at houses. Ultimately, I know this stress will pass but now, it feels a bit suffocating. All I want to do is make sure I finish my Christmas gifts and not go anywhere. Going anywhere most of the time includes spending money and it is stressful. Even getting a tank of gas is becoming hard. After I move in January, I am going to look into getting a part time job at somewhere fun. Hopefully the record store will be hiring and will like me enough.

Have to head to work to stress some more.

Current Listening: Jemina Pearl “Break It Up”

It’s Been a Good Day, Please don’t take a picture October 21, 2009

Today was a fairly good day. Nothing major happened but lots of nice little happenings. Lunch was good. NPR started streaming the new R.E.M. live record (which is phenomenal), made progress on projects at work and desk becoming less of a disaster, and had an awesome dinner with old co workers/friends and my sister.

The interworkings of an office is quite interesting. I remember learning about things like this in 100 level Communication classes but everyone thinks their office is the most dysfunctional. Mine is no different and no one can quite understand like people who were/are in the same office. It is always good to catch up about life and get down to the gossip and ways to make office life more interesting.

I was out far too late to catch Glee and up way past my bedtime.

Time I left, up too late

Current Listening: nothing/silence

That’s what sisters are for October 20, 2009

I’m lucky. I have a pretty sister to model my shawls, who happens to work at the same office as me. We had a spur of the moment photo shoot with the shawls I blocked last night. Here’s Di modeling the Zoe by Emily Kausalik.

Hopefully a review of the pattern and the Noro Silk Garden Sock will be up on Socks Debunked tomorrow. I am also planning on posting reviews of a couple more small shawl patterns and a couple sock yarns.

Christmas knitting is back into full swing again and I am less stressed about it at the moment. I found a few patterns that I am excited to work and in yarn that will be nice to work with. What I am dreading at the moment is the 4 or 5 hats that will need to be made. I’m sure I will be ready for those if I work through the other small shawls, chunky blanket and kids dino hoodie in quick time.

Tonight was nice. After work, I went to the yarn store and worked on my Christmas present at the moment and hung out with Dani. She gave me a silkscreened poster of lyrics from my favorite song of all time, “There is a Light that Never Goes Out” for my birthday. I love it and can’t wait to hang it in my music room in my new house.

I am refraining from posting about anything too deep this week because I am insanely stressed about work over the insane meeting last week. I figure if I try to keep everything light around me then things will lighten up and I will too. Time to catch up on tv missed and go to bed.

Current Listening:Those Darlins S/T

Rough. October 19, 2009

Work was a test in patience and just plain rough today. I had to take a couple of anxiety pills to calm down after being overwhelmed over really nothing. This was one of the telltale signs of a bad day (while counting money)

There is no use in detailing out the annoyances or my hate for my job. I feel it would just turn this blog into a bitching blog and no one likes a warm pickle. So after the insanely long day and waiting an hour at the pharmacy for my very expensive pills, it was nice to get home and block my shawls. I also watched the first disc of House (the only person crankier than me today) season 5 while working on my Traveling Woman shawl. The shawl is moving along fairly quickly and the Malabrigo is to die for. If I could knit out of Malabrigo for the rest of my life, I am pretty sure I would, in a heartbeat.

I’m hoping the shawls will be dry enough tomorrow to model and take pictures of to update my Ravelry projects and finally finally update on Socks Debunked
It has been way too long.

Current Listening: Jemina Pearl “Break it Up”

Full of Calm October 18, 2009

Today was full of calm, which was nice after achieving an awesome tension headache because of the tension in my family. I laid in bed and watched season 1 and small part of season 2 of The Office and finished my Limerick shawl. Immediately, I began the Traveling Woman shawl in Malabrigo sock yarn. It’s beautiful. I was hoping to block the two shawls I have finished and wash my handknit socks tonight but I am too beat. Tomorrow after work for sure.

Today is my brother’s 21st birthday. It’s weird. I remember the day he was born very clearly. I was 8 and in 2nd grade. We got a project to make puppets out of boxes and I ran home. My dad was there I got an empty box of dog treats and was telling my dad about the project and he told me that mom had the baby. I was like awesome and then ran back to the neighbor’s house to work on my project.

My brother has turned into an awesome guy though. He is very different from me and my two sisters, being the youngest of 4. We were excited about him when he was a baby. He took a bit longer to start talking because my mom said we all spoke for him and it could probably be said it remained true. He is of few words but when he does want to speak, he is very intelligent, funny, caring and amazing. After all, he is 21 today, legal drinking and gambling age but he was home studying for his midterm tomorrow and had to run out to his flag football game. I am really fortunate to have him in my life and I love the crap out of him.

Before going to see the family, I stopped by my house and took some more pictures.

Me in the front door way  

Front exterior where garage is

The back of the house where the main door is

Now on to you tube to look  for videos for Video Monday on Indie As

Current Listening: Karen O and the Kids “Where the Wild Things Are” OST

Where the Tension Headache Resides October 17, 2009

Just got home from seeing Where the Wild Things Are, which I loved and cried at. I have a massive tension headache so I am going to post the pic of me messaging where the pain is and write more tomorrow.

2/365 WIP October 16, 2009

Today I meant to get a picture of me and my sister at work but I forgot and it didn’t pan out. Most of the day I was wishing I could be home to watch the Adventures of Pete and Pete and work on my Limerick that Dani and I are reviewing for Socks Debunked. So I got home and went to work and it was nice and soothing. Below a not so pretty picture of the progress. The shawl is actually really pretty and going to be super awesome.

The yarn is Noro Kureyon Sock. I plan on getting a review up of that and the Silk Garden Sock. I have fallen behind on my Ravelry and blog updates. I hope to get back to it this weekend as well as my Christmas knitting.

First of 365 October 15, 2009

Today was a long day at work. There was the meeting that went as well as I expected, possibly worse. Having to have lunch with the bosses afterwards. No high dosage of Morrissey was able to bring be back to the good mood I was in before.

The best part about today was taking Dani to see my house and the model.

This is my house so far:

I will be posting more pics as I visit more and more.

Current Listening: Eels Myspace Sessions

What I know October 15, 2009

These two songs have become two of my favorite songs ever.

Turn Into

Warrior

I adore the crap out of Karen O. Ever since the first time I saw her perform in 2002, I have wanted to have the power in myself that she holds. Anyway, these songs right now are gonna get me through the day. She smiles, she dances and she has the power within herself. I am going to have that too.

And here’s another Warrior video from the early 80s. I remember this seeing this video as a child and loved it. I’m a sucker I suppose for women calling themselves warriors. I think we should all be in order to go through life with our visions intact.